What to Do When a Parent Dies: A Step-by-Step Checklist

In the first day or two, only a handful of things truly need doing. Work through them in this order, and let everything else wait.

1. 1

   Have the death legally pronounced

   If your parent died in a hospital or care home, staff will do this. If hospice was involved, call the hospice team first; they will guide what happens next. If the death at home was sudden or unexpected, call 911.

2. 2

   Call a funeral home

   The funeral home can collect your parent once the death has been pronounced, and will explain the choices. You do not have to commit to anything on this first call.

3. 3

   Tell close family and friends

   Make a short list of the people who should hear from you directly, and ask one person to help you phone the rest.

4. 4

   Secure the home, car and pets

   Lock the house, collect keys, take in mail and post, check on any pets, and remove valuables or medicines that should not be left in an empty home.

5. 5

   Look for written wishes

   Check for a will, prepaid funeral plan, burial or cremation wishes, or organ and body donation papers. Do not empty bank accounts or give away belongings yet.

The funeral or memorial. Check for prepaid plans and written wishes first. Compare funeral homes if you can: by law they must give you prices on the phone (see your rights, below). If your parent was a veteran, ask about VA burial benefits, which can include burial in a VA national cemetery, a headstone or marker, and a burial allowance.

Death certificates. Many organizations ask for a certified copy of the death certificate. Ask the funeral home how to order copies, or find the vital records office for the state where your parent died through the CDC’s Where to Write for Vital Records. To decide how many, count the banks, insurers, pension plans and agencies on your list; some accept a photocopy, others insist on a certified copy.

Who to tell first:

• Social Security. The funeral home usually reports the death. If no funeral home is involved, call 1-800-772-1213. The same report covers Medicare.
• Your parent’s employer or pension plan, if they were still working or drawing a pension.
• Life insurance companies. If you are not sure a policy exists, the NAIC Life Insurance Policy Locator is a free search for policies and annuities.
• Their bank, so any payments that arrive after the death can be handled correctly (see below).

If there is no will, a court usually appoints someone, often called an administrator, to settle the estate. Who can be appointed, and who inherits, depends on the law of the state where your parent lived.

• Search carefully before deciding there is no will: desk drawers, a safe deposit box, files at home, and the offices of any attorney your parent used.
• Some property may pass outside the estate whether or not there is a will, such as accounts or policies with a named beneficiary or joint owner.
• Contact the probate court in the county where your parent lived to learn how the process starts there.

USAGov keeps a list of agencies and organizations to notify after a death. Most will ask for your parent’s Social Security number and a copy of the death certificate. A checklist to work through:

• Government: Social Security and Medicare, the state motor vehicles office, the IRS, the passport office, state benefits, voter registration, and the VA if your parent was a veteran.
• Money: banks, credit card companies, investment and retirement accounts, and other financial companies.
• Credit bureaus: Equifax, Experian or TransUnion. Telling one is enough: it notifies the other two.
• Household: utilities, phone and internet, insurance, and memberships and subscriptions.

Send a copy of the death certificate, not the original, when you notify a credit bureau (Experian). Keep a simple log of who you called, the date, and what they asked for: it saves a lot of repeated calls.

Money owed to your parent may also be sitting with a state as unclaimed property. Unclaimed.org, run by the National Association of Unclaimed Property Administrators, links to every state’s free official search.

The Federal Trade Commission’s Funeral Rule gives you clear rights when you deal with a funeral home:

• Funeral homes must give you prices by phone if you ask.
• You must get a written General Price List that you can keep.
• You can buy only the goods and services you want, and get an itemized statement of what you chose and what it costs.
• You can supply your own casket or urn, and the funeral home cannot charge a fee for handling it.
• No state law requires routine embalming for every death.
• No law requires a casket for cremation.

It is fine to ask a friend or relative who is less raw to make the price calls with you.

According to the FTC, family members usually do not have to pay a deceased relative’s debts from their own money. Debts are paid from the estate, meaning what your parent owned. You may be personally responsible only if you:

• co-signed the debt with your parent;
• are the surviving spouse in a community property state, or in a state that requires spouses to pay certain debts; or
• were responsible for the estate and did not follow your state’s probate law.

If a debt collector contacts you about your parent’s debts, refer them to the person settling the estate.

The person settling the estate is responsible for the tax returns. IRS Publication 559 is the IRS’s guide for survivors and executors. The main forms:

Settling an estate usually takes months, not weeks. Here is a typical order of work. It is not a set of legal deadlines: your state, and the size of the estate, decide the real timetable.

1. 1

   Weeks 1–2

   Funeral and death certificates. Find the will and key documents. Tell Social Security, banks and close contacts. Secure the home, car and valuables, and keep every receipt.

2. 2

   Month 1

   Get legal authority to act from the probate court where needed. Apply for the estate’s EIN and open an estate bank account. Send notification letters and start a list of assets and debts.

3. 3

   Months 2–6

   Value assets, search for life insurance with the NAIC locator and for unclaimed property. Pay valid debts and bills from the estate, cancel what is no longer needed, and deal with the home and belongings.

4. 4

   Months 6–12 and beyond

   File the final income tax return and any estate returns. Pay final expenses, distribute what is left to the heirs, keep records of every payment, and close the estate with the court if your state requires it.

Grief and paperwork arrive together, and both are tiring. Spread the tasks out, say yes when people offer to help, and give each helper a specific job: making calls, sorting mail, collecting receipts.

• If you are also caring for a surviving parent, their own medical details, medicines and contacts matter now more than ever. The Aging Parent Medical & Emergency Binder keeps them in one place.
• If your surviving parent has recently been in hospital, our guides to what to expect after hospital discharge and recovery at home can help.
• Watch your own health too: see preventing caregiver burnout.
• For simple printable logs and checklists, browse our free printables for seniors and caregivers.